Which one is worse..stepping in horse crap...or human crap? my guess is human crap...because we all know a horses diet doesn't consist of much more than hay, oats and the occasional peppermint. but human crap..yeah we know we are some dirty eating bastards.... McDonalds double cheeseburgers...skyline chili....i for sure dont want to step on a human turd.....like you know...you are gonna be walking down the sidewalk and be like..."dammit who took a shit on the sidewalk"....the quantity of a horse turd though....a big pile of it..is pretty massive. but then again...ive seen some human turds that i should have taken a picture of.

i often think about how cool it would have been of the pre-nazi germane would have taken part in more colonialism...the idea that perhaps south america could be completely German speaking.... it just seems neat to thin about..highly unlikely..but none the less.

not to go out on a limb to much here....but the tv show jackass and boxing have a lot in common.....youre getting paid to hurt yourself...i beg the question...would you let mike tyson punch you in the face with a boxing glove on for a coo one million dollar....im not gonna pay it out personally..but there was some sort of gam show hosted by regis philbin and his one time partner kathy lee gifford....or is it just kathy lee...any ways....it has the production and intensity of deal or no deal...but you basically just let tyson hit you in the face ....obviously its gonna jack you up pretty bad....but the network will incur all medical costs..leaving you with about 750grrrrrrr after taxes....i think id do it....speaking on that i would eat a human turd for a million dollars..and i would eat it on a plate with a fork and knife...but that is only if i can dictate the contents of the turd i am eating....for example..im set up to eat a turd..but i can tell the person what to eat...i would tell the said person to eat a lot of greens and stay away from corn and peanuts.....then i would close my eyes and think about the first purchase i would make as a new millionaire...and how frivolously i would spend the money....im sure the turd would be gross..but coming from a generation that live ins the now.....the pepsi generation...generation next....blah blah blah blah.....i would blow through the money in a year..just by impressing people with how much money i had...its just money...it comes and goes....i would by people weird things....like ford fusions and old datsun trucks....i would take a trip to the reese's peanut butter cup plant and buy literally a truck load of that sweet peanut butter filling...speaking of that...remember when reeses' peanut butter came out..you thought you were gonna get some of that peanut butter cup filling didnt you...well you were duped....might as well go back to jiffy.....i would sit down with mr reese himself and have a nice steak dinner while sipping on a bottle of 25 year pappy van winkle..

and finally....on the topic of bourbon.....what a glorious drink. i used to be a super duper beer goon. i belonged to beer clubs...and i i used to pride myself on distinguishing the taste of a stout over the taste of a porter..or taste the coriander out of one beer..and the Belgian hops out of another.... but as we all know..as we age..beer just leaves you peein every five minutes..and getting no where...bourbon...is so much cooler........yeah......cooler. let me explain. (before you go on thinking that im just a lush who likes to get drunk faster than beer can provide..which isnt the case at all...well maybe a little).

its kentucky....yes...some people dont get it...those people arent from kentucky. and that fine....we know something you dont. just keep this in mind when you consider the kentucky factor.  kentucky is rich in tradition and culture....we have our own cuisine....our own dialect...and yes..hillbillies and rednecks..but we also have alot of famous people..and we are known for our bourbon horses and baseball bats.....abe licoln and jefferson davis....what is your state known for? yeah. thanks

the hydration factor....

drinking b and dc's with  ice will naturally keep you hydrated you. beer will only give you a nasty hangover not to mention the dump you will take the next day if you drink a real cheap beer. im not obssesed with poop. but i am a child.

the variety....

there is sipping bourbon...there is mixing bourbon..the is so many bourbons to explore that i want to start a reading rainbow type show devoted to bourbon. and yes levar burton will host it. and i will even try to to a take on the original theme song.

the cost effectiveness vs. beer.....

you dont buy beer..you rent it...because once that seal is broken....its over. youre done..youre peeing every five minutes. with bourbon.......you own it...yeah...you go to a liquor store and think to yourself man i dont wanna pay for a handle of woodford reserve..thats like 50 bucks...but just remember you can drink of that for about three weekends by yourself. or one night with three other people..but if everyone is pitching up...so be it. its cheap. and cheap is good.

ive been working on the ultimate 80s compilation....its pretty amazing....alot of songs i havent heard..and you are talking to a dude...who is an idiot savant when it comes to 80s.....so....i leave you with this........one of those 80s songs that i hadnt heard..that is such an amazing song

urban sprawl is your friend

really....camping and all that shit....you can have it. i cant stand it...im allergic to poison ivy, among other things....i cant dig sitting in the middle of the woods around a campfire tripping on mushrooms or smoking weed and passing around a bottle of jack daniels.....who from Kentucky drinks jack daniels anyways....tastes like ass in a glass. the only reason i know what ass tastes like is because my friend eats girls asses on a regular basis and when i was asking him what he gets out of it...he told me it tastes like jack daniels....he is from Tennessee...so it makes sense...now every time i taste any sort of Tennessee whiskey, i envision my friend (who will remain anonymous) drunk on a bottle of Tennessee sour mash with a girl he just met down at jim porters going to town on the brown....with his tongue....but really thats another story for another time. i think we should build more cities like new york , Chicago and Cincinnati. all this so called precious wildlife isn't really all that precious to alot of us...most of us will sit there and say" oh duuuude, im going green" and most of us aren't going to do anything different besides maybe not throw our cigarette butts on the street. little did we know...we are keep the precious robins and sparrows and cardinals from good insulation for their nests....thus....killing their offspring. nest thing you know...all the birds have disappeared setting off a natural catastrophe. so keep throwing your butts on the street. the fact of the matter is...the facts don't matter (shellac quote) we are told by other humans...that we as humans are pieces of shit that don't deserve to live here on this earth...we don't take care of it..we don't wipe its ass like a little kid when its yelling from the bathroom "mom in done".....come on you goons....i'm not going to ride a bike to work...and if you have to put a little smoke in the air to make something cheaper....then do it...fucking...organic food are more expensive then food they put all sorts of chemicals in....that makes no sense.to me...you would think that shit would be cheaper...less chemicals.....look..there are some people out there...who will bitch about emissions in the united states..and then bitch about how all the industry has left the united states. didn't you ever stop to think? fucking china doesn't give a shit about emissions...go over there and bitch about the ozone..this isn't some sort of usa all the way rant....we all know nowadays you are a redneck if you are patriotic...and i don't want to be called a redneck even though i might intentionally get drunk off whiskey and obnoxiously hit on women. and randomly chant "usa all the way". i always find it funny when people bitch about something and then there is the obvious contradiction..."oooo....my wiener hurts there is too much pollution in major cities"...then move to the country. don't spoil it for those who like the smell of exhaust...because i know i do....

turning off your electricity when you are using it or taking fast showers....that isn't living green...that saving money....its common sense...im not doing it because me keep a light on all night means the coal plant has to bring in another barge and pump it into the ozone....recycling isn't an option where i live. you get a recycling bin and you do it...no big deal..but i know there are some places that actually charge you to recycle...i would say we need to get some of those left coast loonies out to those areas and have a hunger strike while chained to the front doors of the waste company that is doing this.

has anyone ever seen how much it costs to install solar panels on your house....check it out....yes you will make your money back ten fold...but not alot of people want to finance that sort of thing.

my point to all this is...there are people who feel so transcendental and love being oout in nature.....there are people that feel like because they bought an electric car they are doing their part to save mother earth. and you all are awesome. really pat yourself on the back because...me im like what dennis miller said...by the time the earth goes to shit ill be dead...so who cares?....im not going to spend more money to save the earth. make the shit cheaper...and ill by it.

i believe it was Thomas Jefferson who spoke about manifest destiny....i think what he envisioned was a giant new york city from one coast to the next...or at least thats what i would like to think...because that would be pretty righteous.

dont let anyone ever tell you we are running out of space in this country....i would tell those people to take a drive through a barren wasteland known as new mexico....its a giant missle range......but if we were running out of places for people to live...send a bunch of double wides out there and let the hill billies enjoy themselves.

the girl is mine

Lets take a moment to look beyond the fact that about a year ago the media pretty much convicted the king of pop being a child molester. of course he was acquitted.....but as you know...thats not what matters. in the eyes of most of america.....joe scarbourough said he molested those children so he must have...who cares what the court of law finds....so yeah.....im a little up set now that they are honoring him left and right. people who called him a pedophile now are listening to you wanna be starting something over and over again and talking about how he died so young and how tragic this whole thing is...lest we not forget the jokes about his face and the changing of the color of his skin....lets just look beyond all that for a brief couple of moments.....and talk about his duet with paul mccartney.....the girl is mine.


For those of who don't know this song....its is off of thriller....Go listen to it. First I would like to address paul...hey man....why are you fighting with michael jackson over a girl? you were in the beatles....i mean...dude...you had girls passing out when you de-boarded a plane...now you are gonna sit there and fight with what i would be believe to be at the time...a 27/28 year old virgin...let him have the girl. hes never been laid....your penis is probably hanging on strictly by foreskin. you and lennon were doing lines of coke off airline stewardesses asses while on route to india to play sitars and smoke opium. all micahel ever did was hang out int he green room with his brother Tito and watch him get a perm...or hide from his dads belt.

in respect to the death of mj...ill lieave it alone but i will say this:

if michael didnt die....larry king would be running specials on the life of billy mays and farah faucet.

ive been in the queen city for going on three years now....here are a couple things ive noticed that make me like the queen city better....dont get me wrong on this....the highlands are great. the highlands are like luxembourg. leave it and what do you got? anyways...back to my point.

the white gansta rap phenomemon and calling people dawg.
not going to act like i havent seen it up here. but not on the level of what it is in louisville. i could never for the life of me understand this phenomenon....you grow up in predominatly white areas like okolona, fern creek, fairdale, valley station, and prp. your parents listen to country...usually work for ford....or some other blue collar job that is enough to make a good wage and raise a good family....your extended family is from eastern/ western/southern kentucky....deep in the holler. and you dress like you are from atlanta or queens new york. your slang is ebonics mixed with a southern accent. you drive cutlass supremes up and down preston...you start gangs..that basically just allow you to run your mouth and hope fully your dawgs will jump in when you start getting pounded. never got it. never will. you didnt grow up on the mean streets of the Bronx. everything else that is different about Ohio and Kentucky mostly have to do with issue of where the respective states economies are. education, teen pregnancy rate, median household income , etc....but this phenomenon of redneck white dudes acting like they grew up down on 34th and vermont. its amazing...i think harvard or yale should bring some people down here to research it...maybe do a nat geo special on the g dawgs of louisville...people would watch it. i had the pleasure of watching it growing up in fern creek....shipping at jefferson mall. going anywhere on preston highway...going to see skynrd play.

is louisville the next breeding ground for the next vanilla ice? maybe so. the white rap rapper game has become somewhat burgeoning. and i mean....i can totally see why. growing up on the mean streets of glenmary.....and cruising fern creek high school...i know what its like...constant drive bys drugs and hookers everywhere. people keeping their game trump tight. never knowing my mom or dad...growing up at the local ymca....resorting to serving cavvie to all the people on colonel hancock. blvd right next tot the 7th green on the glemary golf course.
yeah....i get it.


Beer.

drink your five dollar imports. im going to drink pbr. it is after all the best tasting beer for the price.


dave chappelle once had a joke about seeing a woman who looked like a hooker and so he decided to approach her and ask her for sex...she replied with just because i dress like this doesnt make me a hooker. so the next day he went out dressed up as a police officer and when someone came to ask him for help....he replied with just because im dressed like this doesnt mean im a cop.....the point being. ladies....dont post pictures of yourself in your bra and panties then get pissed off when a dude objectifies you or asks you for sex. this aint the fucking 1300 where we just enjoy the female figure for what it is....we are a generation of males that on one tab of our browser we are on mojo...the other tab is porn hub. try thinking about why you would put those pitcures of you like that anyways. attention. if you do have a brain....we arent noticing....we are noticing that who ever gave you that brazillian bikini wax..didnt do such a good job....i still see some pubes. there is nothing more i love to see then some girl on here bent over a table in one of her slutty halloween outfits showing off her ass...and then in the about me section it say she is looking for intelligent conversation and guys that arent looking for a hookup. thats just absurd